


Nothing compares to you

by Excuseyouclarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Feelings Called Out, Fluff, Secret Relationship, Sneaking Around, Unplanned Pregnancy, clueless friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Excuseyouclarke/pseuds/Excuseyouclarke
Summary: When Bellamy and Clarke decide they're more than just friends, they make a rule - they don't tell their friends until they get through their first fight unscathed. Luckily for them their friends are all too oblivious to notice.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 21
Kudos: 276
Collections: t100fic4blm Donation Celebration





	Nothing compares to you

Games night is always something that Bellamy both loves and loathes. He loves his friends, really he does, but they’re a mess. Games night only reinforces that. Firstly, half of his friends are almost too competitive to function, the other half like to fuck the games up just to get on everybody else’s nerves.

That’s how tonight starts, and of course it’s at his house. The games are simple enough, Jenga shouldn’t turn into a massacre.

But Jasper and Monty brought their ‘famous’ moonshine and decided to turn it into a drinking game, which is hell under normal circumstances, but when the drink is strong enough to be used as hand sanitiser – and people – it was bound to turn out bad.

It starts when Raven and Murphy kick Jasper and Monty out of the game for purposely knocking over the tower so they can drink. So, they make a new game.

_ Take a drink every time Murphy curses. _

_ Take a drink every time Raven glares as Murphy. _

_ Take a drink every time Clarke tells them how bad Moonshine is for them. _

_ Take a drink every time Bellamy tells them to stop drinking. _

_ Take a drink every time someone laughs at them. _

It was inevitable that Jasper was going to end up puking all the over the floor. Then Miller puking because Jasper puked. In her haste to get away from the puke Raven twists her already bad knee - on the growing pile of puke on his carpet.

That’s how they end up all getting kicked out. Bellamy can’t deal with sick – ever. His tolerance for his drunken friends when he’s sober is lower. So he delegates the designated drivers with a drunken fool and shoves them back towards their cars.

He’s left with blissful peace and an awful mess to clean up – and the continuous sound of a spray bottle.

A spray bottle that he’s not holding.

With a frown, he follows the sound to the living room, where Clarkes cleaning up the mess that Jasper left. Even though it wasn’t her job, but that was Clarke through and through.

“Clarke” he sighs, dragging a hand over his face “I can do that, you’ve done a 12 hour shift you should be going home, to bed – remember that thing, it’s where you sleep.”

Clarke grins and carefully gathers the paper towels and throws them in the bin in the kitchen. “It’s fine, I’m probably the only one who can do this without gagging”

He takes the trash bag out before the smell can get any worse. That’s the last thing he needs after tonight, a stunk-out kitchen to go with the stain on the carpet. He might just get a new one and burn the old one, it seems like the best option.

Clarkes washing her hands at the sink when he comes back, hunched over and tired. He knows how much she works, and how hard she works, but still she always makes time for things like this no matter how long she’s been working or how tired she is.

“Thank you” he says earnestly, she’s right – he probably wouldn’t be able to do that without throwing up himself. “The nights still surprisingly young, want to watch a film or something?”

It’s probably selfish to ask, she probably just wants to go home and sleep. But he doesn’t want to let her go just yet. 

“I thought you were throwing everyone out?” She quirks an eyebrow at him, half challenging.

“You’re the exception” he swears she blushes a little before nodding, but maybe it was wishful thinking. They settle on the sofa, his living room now smells like antibacterial spray, but he’ll take it over the smell of vomit. They decide on an old comedy that they’ve both seen before, but it’s easy watching for this time of night, and he can’t imagine Clarke has too much of an attention span for this time of night after working such long hours.

They’re not half an hour in when Clarke rests her head on his shoulder, and it’s fine – completely fine. Friends do this, sit on the sofa with their heads on each other. This is absolutely something he and Murphy would do.

Friends shouldn’t give him butterflies like this, though. Friends shouldn’t make his heart beat a mile a minute. He shouldn’t think about kissing his friends – he definitely doesn’t think about kissing Murphy.

The movies not even halfway when her breathing deepens and evens out, he looks over to her and she’s fast asleep on his shoulder, finally looking somewhat peaceful. He shifts so she can lean on him a little more, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

It shouldn’t make his heart feel like it was trying to escape from his chest, he can’t even concentrate on the movie. He was being ridiculous, Clarke is his best friend – sure, he’d like to be more than that, but he has a plan, which involves, well, it involves sitting on his feelings until he dies.

It’s a solid plan.

The film finally ends – he’s paid attention to absolutely none of it. Too distracted by Clarke sleeping on his shoulder and the butterflies in his stomach. She wakes up when the credits start rolling, dazed and confused as she looks around.

“Welcome back sleeping beauty” he snorts, she frowns and looks at the television, the last of the credits finishes and the Netflix Recommendation screen pops up.

“Oh shit, did I sleep through the whole thing?”

“Yep, it’s fine though, your snoring only drowned out a bit of the film.” He grins, she bats his arm and laughs.

“Shut up, I don’t snore.”

He smiles softly “Nah, you don’t” there’s a red circle on her cheek where she’d been sleeping, it was probably going to be sore in the morning, along with her neck. “You’ve got a mark on your face” he tells her, she furrows her brows and touches her cheek, too far down.

“Here?”

“Just – here” he runs his thumb over the mark, her skins like electricity, sending shocks up his arm. He doesn’t want to pull away though, there's a look in her eyes that says she doesn’t want him to, the butterflies are back – more intense this time. Her eyes drop to his lips and without putting any real thought into it, he leans forward and presses his lips to hers.

He expects her to hesitate, or freeze or pull away but her lips move to meet his, hands sliding up his chest to rest on his neck. His hands move to her waist and she slides closer to him until there’s barely any space between them. He doesn’t want it to end, kissing Clarke. It’s so much better than he thought it would be, and he’s thought about it a lot, more than he cares to admit, actually.

His lips move down to her neck and she sighs, hands moving to grip his hair. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to do that” She breathes, and Bellamy freezes. He sits back up to look at her – to see if she’s being serious. She is, he thinks she is at least.

“Really?”

She bites her lip and nods, “I wanted to,” she confesses, “But I didn’t know – I couldn’t tell if you’d like me like that.”

He wants to laugh – or cry, possibly both.  _ She  _ didn’t know if he liked her. Of course he likes her, he’s borderline in love with her. What’s not to like? She’s smart and funny and beautiful, that’s just touching the surface of her, too. There’s so many layers to her, so many things that make her beautiful. 

“Clarke” he laughs with a shake of his head, “I didn’t know if you liked me like that” 

She laughs and drops her head to his shoulder, “We’re idiots”

“I can’t help but agree” he laughs, rubbing circles on her back. “We’re idiots.”

There's a moment of comfortable silence with her head on his shoulder, it’s sweet and domestic, it’s how he wants this to stay forever. “Don’t you dare fall asleep on me again” he murmurs, placing a kiss on her head – he can’t even think about how long he’s wanted to do that.

She laughs and sits up again, threading her fingers through his. “Are we doing this? Because I don’t want this to be a one time thing, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship, either.”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship either, I want more than just friendship with you though – if you want to”

“I want to – I want to try at least”

“Try” he agrees with a smile, “we can do that.”

The next morning, he wakes before her, deliriously happy and content. Her hair fanned out over the pillow and her arm thrown around his waist. He should get up and make breakfast, or maybe brush his teeth, but he’s scared that if he leaves Clarke might not be there when he comes back, he’s scared that this is all a dream. He knows it's not when she sighs and nuzzles into him, frowning as she wakes up.

“Morning” he murmurs, brushing the hair away from her face.

“Morning” She croaks, sitting up bleary eyed, hair wild. “So last night was…something”

Dread drops in his stomach, now he’s worried that she regrets it, that they moved too fast and was too hasty in their decisions. “A good something?” He questions nervously.

She breaks out into a grin “The best something” she assures him, “It just, god it didn’t feel real, waking up next to you”

“I know” he agrees softly “I never thought this would happen, I didn’t think I’d ever wake up with you snoring on my chest.”

“I don’t snore” she laughs, shoving his shoulder lightly.

“How do you know, you were asleep?” He grins, she shakes his head at him and laughs – yeah, he could get used to this.

He makes breakfast in his boxers, Clarke sat on the counter next to him wearing his shirt – only his shirt.

“So what now?” She asks, taking a bite of bacon “I mean, we know we’re compatible in the bedroom but where do we go from here? Do we tell people, should we have a period where we’re just getting used to each other?”

“I think we should have some time just us, I want this to work, I  _ really  _ want this to work but, I feel like we should just have some time for just us, no pressure from everybody else, no influences or anything like that.”

She’s silent for a moment, and he’s worried he’s said the wrong thing. “Remember how we used to fight all the time when we first met? Like, we could hardly get through a conversation without fighting.” He nods, unsure about where she’s going with this. “Well, maybe we should make a rule, we don’t tell anyone until we get through our first fight, I don’t want to make things awkward in the group”

He sighs in relief, “yeah” he agrees “I think that would be a good idea, and that gives us a good time frame to get to know us as a couple.”

So that’s how they go, they spend the weekend in bed and kiss in the cab on the way to the bar on Wednesday night, but don’t give the game away in front of their friends. They’re good at it, too – at least most of the time, anyway. They have the occasional slip up, but nobody notices, a mixture of alcohol and being too absorbed in their own thing.

The next day on his lunch break, Bellamy’s scouring the internet for restaurants they’re unlikely to see their friends at.

“Ooh” his co worker, Roma says sitting next to him with a cup of coffee, “hot date?”

“Keep your voice down” he mutters, “but yeah, the stakes are kind of high, I really like her, want to make a good impression and all that.”

“You know, Graham and I were supposed to be going to Arcadian on Friday night for our anniversary, but  _ that’s _ not happening now.”

He’s sure there’s supposed to be a story there, but all he can focus on is that Arcadian is always fully booked months in advance, getting a last minute reservation is impossible, and they don’t accept walk-ins. It’s also the best restaurant in the city, if he could get in there, that would be major brownie points.

“Do you not need that reservation anymore?” he asks optimistically.

“Nope” she shrugs, “You can have it if you want, I’ll phone them and change the reservation name, bookings for eight.” Roma shrugs.

“That’s perfect” he sighs gratefully “She gets off work at six, that should be enough time. Thank you so much, Roma”

She wrinkles her nose, “That’s not a lot of time to get ready”

Bellamy shrugs, “She always looks perfect anyway”

“Damn, Blake” Roma snorts into her coffee “you’ve really got it bad.”

“Yeah” he agrees, no point in denying it.

Friday comes and he’s stupidly nervous. He shouldn’t be, this is Clarke, she’s seen him in his worst states, he’s held her hair back when she pukes after drinking too much. They’ve been together through all the shit that comes their way in life, this was just a date. They’ve been out to dinner plenty of times in their friendship, he reminds himself that it’s just that. Just a dinner between friends – who are trying to be more than friends.

So a little more complex than just a dinner, the stakes are a bit higher, there’s more riding on this dinner than any other dinner they’ve had. Now he’s panicked himself back into a frenzy.

That all melts away when he sees Clarke, though. Dressed in a black dress and heels, much different to the jeans and shirt she usually wears to the bar or games night. She looks amazing – more so than she usually does.

“You look beautiful” he tells her when she steps to the side to let him into her apartment.

She blushes and looks away “you scrub up well yourself.” He hands her the flowers he’d spent most of the day debating over. She laughs as she takes them off him “You didn’t have to get me flowers”

“Yeah but I wanted to,” he shrugs bashfully as she finds a vase out of the cupboard and puts them in water. “I’m nervous” he confesses, “like, really nervous.”

She turns to smile at him from the sink, it gives him butterflies. “Me too, I kept thinking about it all day, I kept clock watching until I could go home, I threatened the doctor taking over that if he was late I’d phone in sick for a month so he’d have to work over. I’ll apologise on Sunday. Ready?”

He nods and takes her hand as they walk down to the car. He expects it to be at least a little awkward, but it’s not. They keep the conversation going about their day until they get there and he walks around to open her door for her.

“How on earth did you get this place? It’s booked up for months in advance” she asks as they take their seats.

“I pulled a few strings” he smirks, opening his menu.

The dates going better than he ever could have imagined, they both laugh a little too loud, and flirting with her comes easier than he expected it to. He feels like a school boy with a crush, blushing when she flirts back. She assures him it’s cute, he still feels like a teenager though.

He sort of hopes he never loses that, though. The butterflies she gives him and the way they both giggle at stupid things they say. It’s nice not having to figure out small talk on a first date, too. Not asking about family or where they went to school. It’s just them, but it feels like so much more.

They’re looking over the dessert menu when somebody calls out Clarkes name. his stomach sinks and her face drops.

“Jackson'' Clarke smiles, but he can hear the panic in her voice. This is where they get caught out, Jackson’s Clarkes work colleague, but more so – Miller's boyfriend, and if Millers here, the cat is well and truly out of the bag. “What are you doing here?”

“Dinner with the board executives,” he looks around, almost secretly, Bellamy wonders if he knows, if he’s been watching them and figured it out. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone yet – but I got that promotion I was going for.”

“That’s great Jackson, congratulations!” Clarke grins, Bellamy tries not to obviously sigh in relief, but hopefully he was too focused on that to notice them blatantly flirting all night.

“Yeah man, congratulations”

“Thanks” Jackson smiles, then looks suspiciously between the two of them – so much for having hope. “So, what’s going on here?”

Dammit. Clarke gives him a panicked look and a subtle shrug, but that wasn’t going to get them out of this situation. He decides to tell the truth – well, a modified version of it. “One of my co-workers had this booked for months but couldn’t make it, and you know this place – you can never get a reservation. So Clarke and I were texting yesterday and you know, took the opportunity”

“Yeah” Clarke agrees hurriedly “We’re always going to dive bars or games night and stuff, we thought it would be good to have a nice night out, when else do we get to dress up?”

“True” Jackson nods “We should really do things as a group that don’t involve games night or The Dropship”

“Jasper once suggested high tea which was nice, until he said it meant getting high and drinking tea.”

Jackson looks mildly mortified, but he’s been with Miller and a part of the group long enough that these things shouldn’t shock him anymore. But at least the attention was deflected away from them again, he just hopes that Jacksons too excited about his promotion dinner to tell Miller about seeing them here.

They both deflate when Jackson goes back to his table, dissolving into giggles when they make eye contact.

“That was a close one” Clarke says when they’ve finally calmed down and ordered dessert.

“Could have been worse though, it could have been Jasper, or Murphy”

Clarke crinkles her nose adorably “True” she agrees.

On the drive home, she rests her head on his shoulder, it’s so peaceful and domesticated that it makes his heart flutter.

“Are you coming up?” Clarke asks when he pulls up her apartment building car park.

“On the first date?” He asks in mock outrage, “What would the neighbours say?”

“I think yours probably had a lot to say after last weekend” she quirks a brow at him, making him laugh.

She pours them both a glass of wine in her apartment and kicks off her heels while he finds a film on the TV. She swings her legs over his and rests her head on his shoulder. “Thank you for tonight” she murmurs, he squeezes her knee in response.

“We should make it a thing, going on dates.”

She laughs lightly “Yeah, maybe we should.”

There's a comfortable silence as the TV plays in the background, he’s trying to watch it, but there's no chance of him paying attention when she’s cuddled up to him like this.

The film finishes with him having no clue what happened, but that was alright, because Clarke was playing with his hands and he’d never been so content before.

*

As it turns out dating goes much better than he could have dreamt, they both know it’s a delicate balance, turning friendship into a relationship, but they seem to be doing fine. Keeping it from their friends has been easier than they first thought, too. Not because they’re both good at hiding, quite the opposite, actually - they’ve both slipped up more times than they care to admit, their friends are all just too oblivious to notice.

It’s been a month of success, Bellamy would be lying if he said balancing their jobs and a secret relationship was easy, Clarke worked crazy hours and he had loads of work to do outside of his working hours, but it made it all the more sweeter when she lets herself into his house after a long shift and crawls into bed next to him, fingers and nose cold as she cuddles into him in the dead of night.

One morning, after working up an appetite in bed, she’s sat at the table in his t-shirt that looks like a dress on her, and he’s thrown on a pair of sweatpants and started making breakfast. It was their routine when they could, he’d make breakfast and she’d clean the dishes after, then they’d cuddle on the sofa and watch rubbish TV or do the crossword together.

This morning though, that little routine comes crashing down as he’s frying bacon and Clarke’s sketching at the table, the door banging open makes them both jump, then freeze. Only two people have a key to his house Clarke and –

“Murphy” Bellamy says in surprise, not really knowing what else he could possibly say right other than “What are you doing here?”

Murphy stops dead when he gets to the kitchen, looking between the two of them in surprise and suspicion. “I was coming to get those DVDs that I leant you the other month, Emori wants to watch some of them. I text you but you didn’t respond” he’s still looking between the two of them, Bellamy’s wondering how the hell they’re going to get out of this one. “I’m sorry, what the hell is happening here?”

“I – yeah, this is, not what it looks like, right, Clarke?” He stutters, looking to Clarke for some sort of help.

“It’s not what it looks like” She sounds much cooler than he does, he just hopes she’s got an explanation. “We were texting this morning and decided that since we were both up early this morning we would go get breakfast”

“Okay” Murphy says slowly, “But why are you wearing Bellamy’s shirt?”

“Oh,” she looks down to the shirt, as if she’d forgotten she was wearing it. “Well, we were about to go and I spilt coffee all down myself so Bellamy gave me his shirt while I put mine in the washer”

“Yeah” Bellamy agrees, relieved that Clarke was able to think on her feet fast there because he had no explanation for this whatsoever. “And there was no point going out for breakfast then, because you know, time and whatever, so we’re having breakfast here instead.”

Murphy hums and nods, Bellamy can’t tell if he believes them or not. “So why can’t I hear the washer?”

The washer, the damn washer. Of course you can usually hear the washer from the kitchen, Murphy’s been here enough times to know that.

“I thought you were putting it in the washer?” Clarke says slowly, glaring at him to keep the hell up.

“Oh” he frowns, “sorry, I thought you were doing it”

“Well somebody had better do it before Clarke freezes to death.” Murphy tells them pointedly, Clarke stands with a nod and tries to pull his shirt down as much as she can before scampering upstairs to get her _ not dirty _ clothes.

“Maybe put some shorts or something on while you’re up there” Murphy calls.

“Yep” Clarke calls back in agreement, now Bellamy’s left in an awkward silence.

“Look” Murphy sighs when he’s sure she’s out of earshot, “I get what’s going on here.”

“You do?” Bellamy questions, his best line of defence now is playing dumb, he just hopes it works.

“Yes, and honestly, it can’t keep happening”

“I can’t?” Damn, the cat really is out of the bag now.

“No” Murphy snaps, “It’s not fair.”

“Not fair on who?” Bellamy frowns, their relationship is between the two of them, nobody else. What say does Murphy have about what he and Clarke do outside of the group? If he’s worried about the group having to take sides if they ever break up, then that’s a bridge they’ll cross if they ever get to it, though Bellamy hopes they never do.

“You know on who, I get it, you like Clarke, we can all see it, but making her sit there in just your shirt, come on man. You know that’s not right.”

“No” Bellamy disputes quickly, god how had Murphy got the complete wrong end of the stick from that? Now he looks like some sort of predator. “God no, you know I’d never do anything she’s not comfortable with. It just happened fast, you know? She couldn’t stay in them clothes so I just threw her my shirt for her to go get changed into.”

“And you couldn’t have put on another shirt?”

“It’s not like that, look I get where you’re coming from, but that’s really not it, you just walked in at an awkward time, I swear this has nothing to do with my feelings for Clarke.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow, “So you admit it, you do have feelings for Clarke?”

“I – oh my god, Murphy. I don’t, that’s absurd”

“Yeah” Murphy snorts, “Sure. Look it’s fine if you do just, be careful, alright? I don’t want to see either of you get hurt, but I don’t want you to take advantage of those feelings, either.”

“I am not taking advantage of her” Bellamy growls “You know I would never do that to her.”

Luckily he’s saved by Clarke walking back into the kitchen, wearing his old college basketball shorts that drown her and an armful of the clothes she was wearing last night. She gives them both a sheepish smile as she goes into the utility.

“What’s going on?” She asks cheerily as she comes back.

“Murphy here was just defending your honour” Bellamy tells her with a smirk, Murphy throws him a glare. Serves him right for walking in like that.

“Aww Murphy” Clarke simpers, “I didn’t know you cared”

“I don’t” he scoffs “don’t give me a bad reputation. Do you have them DVDs?”

“On the shelf by the TV” Murphy nods and strides into the living room.

“ _ Close one, _ ” Clarke whispers, Bellamy rolls his eyes, she has no idea.

When Murphy’s gone, the Bacons burnt and the eggs are beyond saving. Clarke deflates against the counter and laughs, he can’t help but join in.

“He thought I was taking advantage of you by  _ making _ you sit there in my shirt” Bellamy snorts, Clarkes eyes go wide and she laughs louder. “He thinks I have feelings for you.”

“I suppose he’s sort of on the mark” she shakes her head, “Do you have feelings for me?”

There’s a teasing smirk there that he reciprocates. “You’re alright I suppose,” he steps in front of her and cradles her cheek, “there’s worse girls out there”

“Thanks” she scoffs, but there's a tenderness in her eyes that he can’t resist. He presses his lips to hers and winds his other arm around her waist, pulling her in close.

“I think you’re wearing too much though” he murmurs against her lips, she pulls back to raise an eyebrows challengingly at him.

“Yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?”

He lifts the shirt to hook his fingers in the waistband on the shorts, they’re old and worn and entirely too big for her. It takes no effort at all to pull them down, they pool at her feel and she kicks them aside with a grin.

“How about I show you?” he whispers, burying his head into her neck, she gasps and tangles her fingers in his hair, and hopes to god Murphy didn’t forget any of his damn DVD’s.

*

Bellamy wishes that was the last close call, he really does. Except that would be much too easy, and their friends didn’t like making things easy.

It’s a week later when they’re at her apartment getting ready for a date. It’s going better than he ever could have imagined or hoped for. He’s beginning to wonder if they’ll ever have an argument, or if they got it out of their systems when they first met. They just seem to click now, more than when they were just friends, he thinks that maybe they were always supposed to be together.

Of course, their plans go awry when somebody tries to bang down Clarkes apartment door.

“I’ll just go hide” Bellamy mutters, it might not be anybody, but they already dodged two bullets with Jackson and Murphy, he’s not sure how many more lies he’s got in him.

He closes her bedroom door softly behind him, listening out to who it might be.

“Jasper,” He hears Clarke say in surprise “what can I do for you?”

“Well, I was cooking, and I got distracted by the nature show I was watching,” Jasper starts, Bellamy wants to snort at the blatant lie.

“Jasper” Clarke says again, this time there’s a warning in her tone.

“Okay, Monty sent me a meme. But it turns out knives are sharp and – ”

“Holy shit” Clarke shouts, and Bellamy winces. This can only be bad, Jasper and knives shouldn’t mix at the best of times, let alone when he’s distracted.

“I figured, you’re a doctor, you could just stitch it up, right?”

“Nope” Clarke snaps, “Absolutely not. I am not being liable for that, we’re going to the hospital.”

“But – ”

“Hospital” Clarke snaps, leaving no room for argument in her tone. There’s a silence, then the bedroom door hits him in the head. He realises then he was standing much too close trying to listen.

“Sorry” Clarke whispers, rubbing the bump on his head. “I didn’t know you were behind there.”

“No, it was my fault for eavesdropping. What’s going on?”

“Jaspers cut his finger off, I’m so sorry I need to take him to the ER.” There’s a smear of blood on her hands and down her blouse, he cringes and looks away, too much of a wimp to deal with blood.

“It’s fine, it can’t be helped. Just go get Jasper sorted.”

She stands on her tiptoes and presses a quick kiss to his lips before grabbing her jacket and purse. “I’ll be as fast as I can, maybe we can catch a late movie or something”

“It’s fine” he assures again, “I promise, just go before Jasper bleeds out.”

She nods and squeezes his arm before as she passes him.

“Who were you talking to?” Jasper asks when Clarke shuts the bedroom door behind her.

“Myself, let's go.”

“You look nice.”

“Jesus, Jasper you’re bleeding all over my carpet, keep the towel around your finger and keep your hand above your head.”

The door slams shut behind them, and Bellamy can’t help but laugh to himself. He leaves it a moment before going to inspect the damage to Clarkes carpet. There’s a small splatter of blood there, but nothing he can’t handle.

So, instead of their Saturday afternoon date, he sits alone in Clarkes apartment cleaning up blood, while Clarke sits in the ER with Jasper.

When she finally gets home, she looks exhausted and there’s blood down her blouse. They’ve well and truly missed their reservations, there’s no point even trying to salvage it. It’s nearly dark out now, the ER must have been busy.

“Bad?” Bellamy guesses when she slams the door shut. It’s a wonder the neighbours haven’t complained about the amount of times she does that. Now is not the right time to bring that up.

“I’ve never seen anyone cry as much in all my life, and I’ve been in hospitals since I could walk. It wasn’t even  _ that _ bad, it’s not like his entire finger was detached, only a bit of it.” she huffs, but Bellamy’s not listening, the thought of Jaspers finger even being  _ a little bit _ detached is making him queasy.

“That’s disgusting” he mutters, hoping she can’t tell how light headed he’s going.

She sighs and sits on the sofa next to him, wrapping herself around him and holding on tight. As much as he was looking forward to their time together, there’s plenty more time for fancy dates and all that, now he just wants to be with her. 

“I’m sorry about our date.” she frowns, taking his hand and squeezing.

“Come on” He murmurs suddenly, getting an idea. 

“What?” she stands hesitantly with him, still holding his hand.

There’s a park just down the road from her apartment, the suns just setting as they get there. It’s too cold out to be busy, so they walk around the path arm in arm watching the orange glow of the sunset. 

When it’s dark they sit on a bench under a lamp and try to see the stars. She’s cuddled up close to him for warmth, it might not be the fancy restaurant they had planned or a movie in a crowded theatre.

It was so much better.

*

Clarke can’t remember ever having such a shit day. It wasn’t enough that two doctors called in sick, but she was pulled from pillar to post, there didn’t seem to be a person in the hospital that didn’t demand her attention at any given point. She knew before the shift was even halfway through that she wasn’t getting out on time, she’d have to pull a double and wait for the night shift to take over.

Even then she didn’t get out, the workload seemed to double and she couldn’t leave it to them by themselves, so she kept going until the night consultant insisted she went home and got some sleep.

She’d text Bellamy earlier in the day telling him she wouldn’t make their date tonight, she wanted to cry then, now she’s close on a breakdown as she drives home. Really, all she wants is him right now, but then, she was much too tired and emotional to be around him, that wasn’t a good impression when they’d just started dating.

She knew he wouldn’t mind, he was amazing like that, but she minded. She didn’t want to put all her emotional crap onto him when the relationship was still in the delicate stages. She’d wait until they were further down the line to do that. All she wanted to do tonight was eat comfort food and drink wine and possibly cry in front of the television, as much as she wanted Bellamy there to hold her while she did that – it wasn’t fair on him.

She’s confused when she opens the door to her apartment that her lights are on. It should be in total darkness by now, unless she left them on this morning – which it was early, she may well have done. But there’s also a smell, like there was something cooking. God did she leave the stove on too? She rushes towards the kitchen, already dreading what kind of state it’s going to be in when she gets to it.

But Bellamy steps out before she can get there, tea towel thrown over his shoulder. “Hey” he murmurs, squeezing her arms. “You alright?”

“I – ” she looks to the kitchen in confusion, there’s pots on the stove and the ovens switched on, her favourite wine on the table, already laid out with plates and cutlery, a vase of the flowers in the middle that wasn’t there this morning when she left for work. “What’s going on?”

Bellamy blushes and looks back to the kitchen bashfully “You sounded like you were having a bad day when you text me earlier, then an even worse day when you cancelled our date tonight so I thought I’d cook for you” he shrugs like it’s nothing, but it’s everything. “You were later than I thought you were going to be, so I’m just reheating everything.”

She wants to laugh, or cry, or sob uncontrollably. Nobody has ever done anything like this for her before, nobody’s ever cared. Instead, she wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly. “Thank you” she whispers. He hugs her back just as tight, there’s safety in his arms, one she’d never expect to feel.

“It’s okay” he soothes, “go get a shower, the foods not ready to be served just yet.”

She nods and lets him go, turning towards the bathroom before he can see how emotional she really is. She feels considerably better having a shower, having washed the terrible day away. She throws on a summer dress, despite it being close on autumn, it feels better to just not be wearing scrubs. The smell coming from the kitchen is amazing, and she has to wonder how the hell she got so lucky.

“Hey” she smiles as she comes back into the kitchen. Bellamy’s serving pasta into a bowl, there’s two glasses of wine poured out on the table already. “You didn’t have to do all this” she tells him softly when he sits opposite her. She genuinely can’t believe this, after not wanting to scare him off, he’s turned up and made her favourite food, just because she had a bad day. Maybe she’ll start having them more often.

“I didn’t  _ have  _ to, but I wanted to. You left at six this morning, it’s almost ten now, you’ve worked a ridiculous shift, the least I can do is make sure you eat when you get home.”

She won’t cry – she tells herself this over and over, she will not cry because somebody did something nice for her. She reaches over the table to squeeze his hand though. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Princess” it makes her blush more than she cares to admit.

After dinner, she curls up next to him on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around the two of them watching Netflix. It’s comfortable, homey. It doesn’t really matter where they are, as long as she’s with him, it feels like home.

*

Overall, Clarke thinks they’ve done a pretty good job at hiding their relationship, nobody seems to suspect anything, and they’re surprisingly good at sneaking around, even if there’s been the occasional close call, nobodies said anything, so she makes the assumption that they’re in the clear.

She decides to test that theory on a Thursday night at the bar. It’s not as packed as it usually is, so they’re all squashed into a booth with their drinks covering the table. She leaves it until she’s certain no ones paying attention to her, everyone seems to be happy enough in their own little conversations as Clarke sips on her cocktail. Bellamy’s in a heated debate with Murphy over something she can’t bring herself to follow.

Casually, she lets her hand fall to his leg under the table and squeezes his knee. No ones even looking at her, so she moves her hand to the inside of his and trails up the seam of his pants. His eyes widen and he stutters over the point he was making; Clarke carries on sipping her cocktail.

“You alright man?” Murphy frowns, “You’ve gone a little red.”

“Just hot” Bellamy squeaks and clears his throat. Clarke pulls her hand away, but Bellamy grasps her wrist and pulls it back to his thigh. With a smirk, she draws further up his leg and stops short of his crotch. He’s trying desperately hard to keep up with his debate with Murphy, but failing epically. In a bold move, she cups the bulge in his pants and rubs slowly, revelling when his eyes bulge and his breath stutters.

“Seriously, you look like you’re going to pass out” Murphy points out, Bellamy swallows hard and downs the rest of his beer.

“I need to get some air,” he mutters, practically falling out of his seat and rushing past the bar and towards the bathrooms. Clarke smirks to herself and finishes her cocktail, slipping out of the booth and following where he went.

Luckily, the toilet stools seem to be empty – apart from one. She knocks tentatively, and the door swings open and Bellamy pulls her inside roughly, closing the door behind her and pinning her against it. His hands grab at her waist and mouth goes to her neck and breathes “Tease”

She half laughs – half moans, this is the reaction she had wanted. She hums in agreement and tangles her hands in his hair, pulling him closer. She could stay like this forever, wrapped up with him even if it is in a bar toilet stall.

“Can you be quiet for me?” he murmurs as he pushes her skirt up, she nods and turns to face the door, bracing herself against it. She’s already ready for him, he can feel it too when he rubs her clit, and she has to bite back a moan. She hears his belt buckle undoing, then he’s pushing into her, holding tight to her waist.

Neither of them last long, but she didn’t expect them to, either. He finishes with her, biting a bruise into her shoulder as he spills into her.

When they’re both cleaned up and – hopefully – look presentable, nobody at the table questions their disappearance, just carries on with the conversation as it was before.

*

Clarke has to admit, even though she expected them to work well as a couple, she didn’t expect them to make it this far without getting caught or getting into an argument. But their relationship has gone from strength to strength and their friends – well, they’re just as oblivious as ever.

At brunch with Harper and Raven, she’d trying her best to keep a smirk off her face after  _ that  _ incident at the bar last night. She’s amazed that no one noticed them sneaking off for that long and coming back looking a freshly-fucked mess. They either didn’t notice, or they’re all in on it and they’re taking bets against each other as to when they’ll let it out the bag. She suspects it the first, but he wouldn’t put it past them to laugh at their attempts at keeping the relationship secret.

Ravens ranting about internet dating and how there’s no good guys out there anymore.

“You know,” Harper murmurs over her coffee, “You have to actually like these guys on their profiles to get matches.”

“I know that” Raven mutters, “It’s not my fault all the men on these sites are trash”

“What about that guy you matched with the other day – the only guy you’ve ever matched with, for that matter, I thought you liked him, I thought you were going on a date” Clarke points out, much to Ravens dismay, Clarkes pretty sure she’s blushing.

“That’s just one guy,” she mutters, averting her gaze.

“Oh my god” Harper laughs, “you like him.”

“No,” Raven defends quickly, “I like talking to him over the internet, what if I get to the date and I hate him, what if he’s a catfish? There’s no way a guy that good looking had that good of a personality.”

Clarke wants to point out that Bellamy has, but it’s probably for the best that she doesn’t. “Your commitment issues are showing again.”

“Whatever” Raven rolls her eyes, then narrows them on Clarke. “How’s your love life going, anyway?”

She tries to play it off nonchalantly, shrugging half heartedly. “What’s a love life?”

There's a smirk on Ravens lips that she really doesn’t like the look of, it reeks of trouble. “You tell us, or rather, the hickey on your shoulder should tell us.”

She looks down sharply, and sure enough, the shoulder of her stupid oversized sweater has slipped down, exposing her shoulder and the hickey Bellamy gave her at the bar last night. Damn him and his ridiculously good sex. She’s not sure how she’s going to get out of this one, there’s no sneaky explanation this time, no shoving Bellamy into her room to hide or saying she spilt coffee down her shirt, she’s going to have to confess something.

“Okay,” Clarke finally sighs, it might be good to tell someone about her relationship, even if she doesn’t use names. “I didn’t want to tell anyone just yet but – I’ve kind of been seeing someone, and it’s going well, really well actually.”

Ravens and Harper exchange a gleeful look, “I knew it” Raven grins. “You’ve been acting sketchy for months, and you’re never free to just hang out anymore unless it’s as a group, we thought something was up”

“Give us details” Harper trills excitedly, drumming her fingers on the table, Clarke supposes that some details wouldn’t hurt.

“I don’t want to give away too much just yet, but we’ve been seeing each other for a few months now and honestly, he’s amazing. He’s kind and sweet and funny, he’s so thoughtful, I feel like I won the lottery with him.”

Harper and Raven are smiling dreamily at her, it’s nothing compared to how she feels though. She ducks her head and laughs at herself, it’s usually so out of character for her to get hung up on a guy like this, but then – no one quite compares to Bellamy. Not in this lifetime, and not in the next.

“Clarke Griffin, are you blushing over a man?” Raven implores with a smirk, she’s sure it only makes her blush more. “Come on, enough with the gooey details, what’s the sex like?”

“Raven!” Harper gasps, scandalized.

“Like you don’t want to know?” Raven snorts.

“It’s the best I’ve ever had” Clarke grins, though they can probably already tell by the hickey on her shoulder, it’s a good job neither of them live even close to their places, she’s pretty sure the neighbours are ready to put in an official complaint about them.

If she gets kicked out of her apartment for good sex, then that’s the way she’ll go.

“Well damn Griffin, good for you.” Raven grins, and Clarke can’t help but agree.

“you know” Harper sighs, a little sadly, “I was always kind of holding out for you and Bellamy?”

Clarke freezes, was this a test? Had their friends not been as oblivious as she first thought? God she hopes not. Although fucking in The Dropship toilets wasn’t a subtle move, either.

“Holding out for us to do what?” She questions dumbly, deciding denial will be her tactic of choice.

“To get together, you know you were always the Ross and Rachel of the group, we were all convinced you’d get together eventually” she shrugs, was this a test?

“That’s ridiculous” Clarke laughs – hopefully not nervously. Harper and Raven don’t seem suspicious, but then, they could be really good actors. “Bellamy and I are just really good friends, nothing going on there.”

Raven raises an eyebrow at her, “Come on, you like him though. You go all doe eyed whenever he’s around – it’s fine honestly, he probably likes you too, Come on Clarke, you can't deny it.”

“He’s my best friend” Clarke sighs softly, it won’t hurt to tell at least a bit of the truth. “and that’s what he’ll always be.”

“Sap” Raven rolls her eyes “Who’s up for more alcohol?”

Crisis averted, at least for now.

*

As much as Clarke loves their date nights out, she’s equally happy with take out and a bottle of wine, watching whatever they can find on Netflix. She’s cuddled up against him with a blanket wrapped around them with the chilly evening sky rapidly darkening.

This is where she feels most settled in life, she had always told herself that she didn’t need a relationship to feel complete, but now she’s rethinking that. She always thought that she was happy on her own – and she was, but it was nothing compared to how she’s feeling now. There’s a cautious voice at the back of her head, the same voice that told her never to fall in love again, now telling her that  _ this _ is what love is, allowing herself to be vulnerable on the bad days, and holding onto him when he lets himself be vulnerable with her.

She’s always been close with Bellamy, apart from their spats when they first met each other, but that was just growing pains. Falling in love was something she’d considered terrifying, letting herself fall into the unknown, but with Bellamy it’s been so simple. She hasn’t fallen into the unknown, she’s cradled it, nurtured it and let it grow with care. She never wants to let go of this feeling.

She may have to put it on hold for now, though – as somebody’s trying to bang down her apartment door.

“Clarke, it’s an emergency” Raven shouts from outside, Bellamy sits bolt upright, staring at her wide eyed. “Open up.”

She knows Raven well enough to know that this isn’t so much as an emergency, but more likely an existential crisis.

“Shit” Bellamy mutters, throwing the blanket over the back of the couch.

“Shit” Clarke agrees, shoving his plate and wine glass at him. “Take these in the bedroom, I’ll try and get rid of her.”

“Why do I always have to hide in your bedroom?” he questions and as she shoves him towards the bedroom door.

“Because no one goes in there, unless you want to explain to Raven why we’re watching The Notebook in candle light.”

“I quite like your bedroom actually.” He concedes when she’s closing the door. The living room looks slightly suspect, but it also looks like she was drinking wine alone by candlelight watching a romantic film.

That’s not sad at all.

She opens the door just as Ravens raising her fist for round three on trying to knock her door down.

“I’d like to get the deposit back on the apartment when I leave” Clarke informs her, Raven just scoffs. “What’s the emergency?”

“If you’d have opened the door in the first place I wouldn’t have to kick it down.” Raven barges past her into the apartment. “Shaw asked me out on a date.”

“Who’s Shaw?” Clarke frowns, closing the door. She has a bad feeling this isn’t going to be as easy as she’d first anticipated. Raven drops dramatically on the couch, right where Bellamy was sitting before.

“The guy from tinder.”

Clarke blinks in surprise, “Wait the one guy you matched with? He was cute”

“He is cute, do you see my problem?”

Clarke didn’t see the problem, but that was coming from someone who had a crush on her best friend for years without ever making a move, so she probably wasn’t one to talk.

“Every guy I’ve ever dated turns out to be a douchebag, he probably is, too.”

“You don’t know that” Clarke sighs, it sends Raven off on a tangent that Clarke can’t interrupt. So she grabs another wine glass out the cupboard.

It's well past midnight when she finally convinces Raven that she’s sure Shaws not a douchebag, and if he is, they’ll get Murphy to key his car. Clarke knows she’s not afraid of going on a date or putting herself out there, she’s afraid of commitment, as much as Raven won’t accept that.

“You’re coming to game night tomorrow night, right?” Raven demands as Clarkes shoving her out the door. “Bring that new guy you’re seeing.”

“Technically tonight but sure.” She mutters back, technically she will be bringing the new guy she’s seeing, she’s just not going to tell them that. As much as she loves Raven, and she really does – she can’t help but be a little bitter that her night in with Bellamy was ruined. She’s more than surprised when Raven suddenly pulls her into a bone crushing hug.

“Thank you” Raven murmurs “I know you were having a night in but I appreciate you letting me rant to you.”

Clarkes not used to Raven showing such emotion, she hugs back just as tight as assures her “anytime.”

When she’s gone, Clarke goes to tell Bellamy it’s safe to come out, but he’s fast asleep on her bed, and though she couldn’t help it, a wave of guilt crashes over her. She takes the glass and plate from where he’s left it on the side table and takes it in the kitchen and loads the dishwasher. The candles are all burnt out and her foods gone cold, but she’s not bothered anymore, she’ll have it as leftovers tomorrow.

She undresses quietly and lays next to Bellamy, kissing his cheek before turning the lamp off.

“Sorry,” she whispers, “I tried.”

Bellamy stirs and rolls towards her, sleepily taking her in his arms. “S’okay” he mutters, “You’re here now.”

She was, and that’s where she planned on staying.

She feels off when she wakes up in the morning, but she puts it down to too much alcohol and not enough food. She dresses as quietly as she can for work, not aware that Bellamy’s awake until he says “It’s early, come back to bed.”

Clarke grins and leans over the bed, kissing his cheek. “I’ll be back for games night tonight, promise.”

He makes a grab for her waist, but she dodges him with a laugh. She knows this game all too well, the second she gets back into bed with him is the second she’s drastically late for work. As much as she’d like that, she has bills to pay, and you don’t pay them by being late.

The good thing about working in the emergency department is there’s never much down time. Her days usually go by fast, so she doesn’t get much time to just sit around and think. Which is a good job, because on her break, all she can think about is the fact that she hasn’t actually got much alone time with Bellamy until next week. She briefly wonders when she became the girl obsessed with her boyfriend, but figures the  _ when _ doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t change it now.

She knows she’s going to be late for games night the second she steps off her break and looks at the waiting room full of people. There’s a brief flash of guilt that she’s always the late one, but then – it’s her job.

When her days finally over and she’s relieved from her duties, she dresses and hastily and makes her way to Ravens. Everybody’s there before her, but that’s no shock considering she’s over an hour late. Bellamy’s saved her a seat next to him and a few slices of pizza.

“Thanks” she whispers, taking her seat next to him. This is when the relationship is hardest, when all she wants is for him to wrap his arms around her and let the day just melt away.

Instead, she’s passed a shot glass of Moonshine, Jasper and Monty swear that this ones perfect. Someday, she’ll tell them that there’s nothing perfect about moonshine, but after the day she’s had, she downs it in one and deflates against the sofa.

“Rough day?” Bellamy murmurs sympathetically, handing her the pizza. She needs something to soak up alcohol.

“It could have been better.” She mutters, across the room, Ravens smirking at her, this can only mean trouble.

“I thought you were bringing your new boyfriend tonight, Griffin.”

She winces as Bellamy stiffens next to hear, she’d forgotten to tell him the conversation she’d had with Harper and Raven over brunch the other day.

“Raven!” Clarke hisses, glaring at her with as much intensity as she can. Raven realises her slip up then, and claps a hand over her mouth.

“New boyfriend?” His voice is perfectly even and calm, but she knows his mind is currently working in overdrive.

“It was supposed to be a secret” she complains, still glaring at Raven, who just shrugs.

“To be fair” Raven starts, “You did a rubbish job when you turned up to brunch with a massive hickey on your shoulder.”

She’s right, she just never expected to be called out on it in front of the whole group, who are now staring at her expectantly, waiting for the details. Murphy’s giving Bellamy a look she can’t quite decipher, and she wonders if they’ve been found out.

“Well come on” Jasper complains, “details. We need to know who finally melted that ice cold heart of yours.”

Well, that was a little mean, but she lets it go over her head. “It’s no one, it’s early days and none of anyone's business.”

Harper takes a sip of her drink, a sly twinkle in her eye that Clarke’s dreading. “No one? I thought you said he was the best sex you’ve ever had?”

She can feel the energy radiating off Bellamy next to her as he slowly turns towards her, trying desperately hard to keep the grin off his face. There’s laughter and shouting around her, Murphy’s still watching Bellamy closely.

“Best sex you’ve ever had, huh?”

Clarke grits her teeth, but she can feel the heat rising up her neck and face. She wants nothing more than to tell him not to let it get to his ego too much, but for obvious reasons, she can’t. instead she has to sit next to him for the rest of the night making comments about her  _ new boyfriend  _ and  _ the sex god.  _

She regrets ever talking to Raven and Harper, in any capacity. She waters down the moonshine with soda and tries to join in with Monopoly, even if Bellamy is making it unbearable sitting next her grinning like a Cheshire cat. There’s already a pounding at the back of her head, and the nights not even half over yet.

Her friends making subtle digs about lover boy weren't helping, either.

“So” Bellamy grins the second her apartment door closes. “This new boyfriend of yours, best sex you’ve ever had.”

Clarke groans, he’s not going to let this go, not now, probably not ever. “Okay, get it out of your system.”

He shrugs, “Nothing to get out my system, my girlfriend thinks I’m the best sex she’s ever had.”

Despite it all, she gets a flutter of butterflies in her stomach when Bellamy calls her his girlfriend. It’s the first time he’s ever said it, and though it’s obvious, they’ve been dating for months now, but still. She can’t escape the blush creeping up. Bellamy’s still grinning to himself, she’ll let him for now.

“And you know what the worst thing about all of that? I couldn’t even brag about it.”

“I think you’re making up for it plenty now” she smiles, but there’s a pang of sadness. They’ve been dating long enough now that they shouldn’t still be sneaking around. They might just be one of those couples that never fight, but even if they did have a fight now, she can’t imagine wanting to break up with him for any reason at all. The only way they’re breaking up at this point is if he wants out – but by the way he smiles at her, she doesn’t think he wants that.

She’ll bring it up soon, but for now, she’ll cherish her time with him just to herself.

*

Clarke hates mornings at the best of times, they’re particularly bad when Bellamy’s not in bed with her. He makes them considerably better, but she tries not to be a brat about it, especially when she knows he’s trying hard for a promotion. So she sucks it up and makes herself some coffee, though she didn’t feel hungover, the alcohol from games night and the late night was definitely going to catch up on her today.

The smell of the coffee is overwhelming, she must have drunk more than she thought. The smell doesn’t usually affect her like this, though. But then again – she doesn’t usually drink Jasper and Monty’s moonshine. A rookie mistake she should have learnt by now.

She cringes and heaves at the first sip, it’s sour and bitter and tastes generally gross. The creamer must have been off. She sniffs it but it doesn’t smell any different, she throws it away anyway – it’s not worth the bad taste left in her mouth. She makes a new cup of coffee, black this time and leaves it to cool while she makes eggs for breakfast.

She likes eggs better when Bellamy makes them, she’s turned into one of those people who obsess over their boyfriend all the time – strangely, she’s okay with that.

The second the eggs hit the pan though, the smell overwhelms her and she heaves, this was worse than the off creamer, worse than anything she’s ever smelt for that matter. She only bought these yesterday as well, they couldn’t possibly have gone off already. The smell only gets worse as they heat up, and an overpowering wave of nausea hits her and she dives for the bathroom and empties last night's moonshine and pizza down the toilet bowl.

It's been a long time since she’s puked after a night out, and usually she feels much worse than this. It must have been a particularly bad batch of moonshine to make her this bad.

She abandons the eggs completely and sticks to plain toast, not wanting to risk another episode of having her head down the toilet. Although she imagines no one particularly enjoys being sick, she hates it more than anything, she panicky feeling that she’s going to choke and the taste in the back of her throat for the rest of the day.

The same thing happens at lunch when she tries to make herself a tuna sandwich, though in hindsight, tuna may not have been the best idea with a dodgy stomach. She sticks to chicken pasta for tea, cooking enough to last them until at least tomorrow night.

Except – the smell of chicken makes her nauseous now, and it’s the blandest meat she can think of. Surely that can’t be off too. She sticks with it, not wanting to throw away perfectly good food if it is just the moonshine messing with her system. She’ll have to tell Jasper and Monty to give up on that recipe.

Bellamy comes in later than she expected him to, but she can’t really complain when he’s working so hard. She’s proud of him for his commitment to get the promotion, and while she misses him, she’ll always be his biggest cheerleader.

“Hey” he kisses her cheek as he collapses on the sofa next to her, “Sorry I’m so late, work got crazy for a bit there and with the promotion and everything”

“Don’t apologise” she laughs “I’m proud of you for going for it. Apart from busy, how was your day?”

He groans and drags a hand over his face, “Is it mean to say I hate everybody I work with?”

“Not at all, I say it on a regular basis, think it even more often.”

“Good, because I hate everyone I work with.”

“Great” she rests her head on his shoulder “We can hate people together”

He snorts and kisses her hair “That’s my girl, dinner smells good”

She sits in surprise and crinkles her nose at him “Do you think so? Everything’s smelt off today, I couldn’t even finish cooking my eggs this morning.”

“Smells fine to me, let me try it”

“At your own risk” she mutters, “I’m not taking responsibility if you get sick, I warned you.”

Even cold she can’t stand the smell when he sits next to her, she has to shuffle along the sofa to get away and hopes Bellamy doesn’t take offence.

“Tastes fine to me” he shrugs, taking a mouthful, he doesn’t wretch when he eats it, so it really must be the moonshine. Jasper and Monty need to watch out the next time she sees them. “Are you alright? You look –”

“What?”

“Beautiful” he says cautiously, “but also really tired and pale.”

“I just feel a bit rubbish” she sighs, “I think the moonshine last night really did a number on me.”

He frowns at her and presses the back of his hand to her forehead, she knows she’s not got a temperature, other than feeling tired and nauseous, there’s not really much wrong with her.

“I didn’t think you drank that much; you didn’t seem drunk last night”

“I wasn’t” she shrugs, “I’m probably just having a funny day, I’ll be fine once I get some sleep.”

He leaves his empty bowl on the coffee table and wraps his arms around her, she’s more than happy to stay like that for the rest of the night, or her life, actually.

The next morning, Bellamy has to work early again, but he promises to finish on time and meet her at the bar tonight, so she doesn’t complain – too much, at least. She feels better than she did the day before though, so at least that was something.

It  _ was  _ something, until she puts the Bacon on the grill and immediately has to go and empty the little contents of her stomach.

This wasn’t right. Yesterday she had an off day, she could accept that, but today was something else entirely. She’s never felt nauseous at the smell of any food before, so to suddenly start puking her guts up every time she smells any food is wrong.

Now she feels stupid for not seeing it before, being nauseous and tired, not having an appetite, she knows there’s a lot of things that could be down to, but right now she can only focus on one of them.

The cashier at CVS grins brightly at her, Clarke can’t bring herself to return it. She drives home with shaky hands and a knot in her stomach, then leans up the sink in the bathroom for the longest three minutes of her life.

Her world crashes around her when the window on the pregnancy test boldly announces that she is in fact pregnant.

This was not in the plan, not now. She and Bellamy had only been together for a couple of months, and they had been some of the best months of her life, but they were in no way ready for this. They were still in the honeymoon phase, still in the  _ deliriously in love getting to know one anothe _ r phase. They haven’t even had a fight yet, haven’t even told their friends, now she’s possibly ruined it all by not keeping up with her pill properly.

She was a doctor for god's sake, how did she even let that happen? It didn’t matter though, because it had happened, and she and Bellamy hadn’t had that discussion yet. They’ve spoken about it before, as friends though. His view on it has always been the same though, he spent enough of his childhood being a parent, he wanted his time to be his own for now, kids would come way down the line, if he had them at all.

Emphasis on the  _ if. _

God how had she even got herself in such a mess? How had she ended up such a mess? She had never been late to take her pill once in her life, now somehow, she’s messed it up enough to get pregnant. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted kids herself, she worked way too much and so did Bellamy, she already knew the effects of having parents who worked more than they saw their child.

That’s if Bellamy even wanted to stick around. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, he hadn’t asked for this, this was her fuck up, not his.

She slides down to slump on the bathroom floor, and that’s where she stays until her phone starts buzzing and she realises she’s late to meet everyone at the bar. She dresses hastily and throws on some makeup, but it doesn’t make her look any better.

She’s nervous in the cab, picking at her nails until the skin around them are red and raw.

“Finally,” Jasper calls out when she gets there “We were beginning to think you abandoned us”

“No, sorry I just lost track of time.” She slides in next to Bellamy who’s looking over her, concerned.

“You alright?” he whispers, “I tried texting you earlier but you didn’t answer?”

“I just got caught up in something” she lies, well, it’s not really a lie. He nods but doesn’t look convinced. It’s then she notices there’s more bodies here than usual. A brunettes sitting between Raven and Emori, looking at her like she just stole her favourite toy.

“Clarke, this is Echo, she goes to my gym” Raven introduces. Echo nods as her and Clarke manages to nod back, not really in the right frame of mind to be making small talk. “Which you’d have known if you answered your phone at some point today.”

“It’s been a day” Clarke winces, though that’s an understatement. “Sorry”

“I thought since everyone’s coupling up now, Bellamy here needs some loving too, and Echo’s single and stupidly attractive so I’m playing cupid for the night”

“Oh” Clarke blinks, “that’s fantastic” she can feel Bellamy’s eyes on her, and right now it’s really hard to keep a mask on, put she plasters a smile on the best she can – nobody seems to notice she’s faking it.

“Yep” Raven agrees, popping the p “and I did a damn good job, so far they have everything imaginable in common, I think we finally found the girl that takes Bellamy’s bachelor status”

“Amazing. I’m going to get a drink” the one night she needs hard liquor and she can’t even drink. The universe is torturing her. She orders a tonic water instead and hopes everyone just assumes there’s gin it. When she gets back to the table Echo and Bellamy are in an animated conversation about soccer teams that she doesn’t understand. The conversation moves on to other sports they both like. Conveniently they both support the same teams for every sport brought up. They both love the gym while Clarke likes Netflix and takeout. They have the same taste in music, know the same obscure indie bands and Clarkes playlist consists mostly of Taylor Swift and pop music.

How did she never see how wrong she was for Bellamy before? How did she get it so very wrong? Raven was right, he may have found the girl for him, and it wasn’t her. It wasn’t ever going to be her, they didn’t have things in common, sure, they had fun and got along, but when it came down to it in the long run, would he really want to spend the rest of his life with someone he didn’t have things in common with?

No. that was the short answer. He’d want someone who he can go to the gym with and see indie bands no ones heard of. He wants someone to shout at the TV when their sport teams are losing and someone to celebrate with when they win. That wasn’t her. It was never going to be her.

“Clarke?” she looks up sharply, Bellamy and Raven are staring at her quizzically. “Are you alright?”

Was she alright? Of course not, her world was crashing right in front of her and there’s nothing she can say about it.

“I have to go” she gasps out, grabbing her purse before she starts to cry – again.

“Clarke” Bellamy tries to call after her, but she’s already gone, out the door before anyone can see her tears.

Luckily the door shuts behind her before she lets the floodgates open, and oh god what a mess she must look, walking through the streets crying. She has no real destination in mind, but she knows she doesn’t want to go back to her apartment. She finds herself at the park she and Bellamy came to way back when they first started dating, when their dates went wrong and got interrupted, they came here to escape. Maybe that’s why she's coming here now, to escape the reality of what’s happening for a little while.

It’s when she’s sat on a bench under a streetlight that she realises she left her jacket at the bar, and it’s close on freezing out tonight. She doesn’t care though, just for tonight she wants to just forget about everything – the mess she’s gotten herself into, about Echo flirting with Bellamy, and Clarke realising that she is absolutely not the right person for him. Just for tonight, she’ll let herself be sad, she’ll let herself be pitiful and tomorrow she’ll figure out what to do next.

Maybe it’s the hormones, but she doesn’t think she’s ever cried quite this much before. She wants this to be over, to just be some awful nightmare and she’ll wake up in bed and this feeling will fade away.

“Christ, Clarke there you are” Bellamy’s rushing toward her, her jacket slung over his arm. She blinks through the tears in surprise. “I was going out of my mind when I couldn’t find you.”

“How did you find me?” her voice is weak from crying, Bellamy’s the last person she needs to see her looking like this.

He wraps her jacket around her shoulders and pulls her in close, for a minute she lets herself revel in the comfort his very presence brings, it will all change soon enough, so for now she lets herself be happy in his arms.

“I thought about where you would go if you were upset, I don’t know why I came here but it was obviously the right call.” He presses a kiss to her hair, and she turns towards him, he radiates heat and love, which she needs more than anything right now. “What’s going on? You weren’t at the bar for an hour and you ran off. I’ve been thinking the worst all night.”

She shakes her head, she doesn’t even know what she’s going to say to him, other than  _ I’m sorry, I’m a mess and I fucked up. _ “I don’t think I’m right for you” is what she decides on, it’s not exactly what she wanted to say, but her minds not exactly in the right place.

She feels Bellamy freeze next to her and she hates herself for what she’s doing to him. She should have thought about this to start with, she should have been looking at the long run instead of indulging in her own selfish feelings. “what are you talking about?”

“I saw you talking with Echo and all the things you have in common, and we don’t have that, we don’t have things in common. I don’t like sports or working out, we don’t have the same hobbies, how could you possibly be happy with me in the long run?”

“You can’t be serious?” Bellamy deadpans, his arm slack around her shoulders. “You don’t really mean that.”

She doesn’t, not completely anyway. She wants to be the one for Bellamy, more than anything. But her insecurities are pulling her down, maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it was always going to end up this way. But she’s messed up already, what was one more thing now?

“You can’t possibly want me, not forever.”

“I do” he shifts so he’s facing her, gently moving her face towards him. “I know you don’t mean that, please just tell me what’s going on.”

A fresh wave of tears takes over and she shakes her head. How can she possibly tell him when he’d put so much faith in her to mess up her one responsibility in not getting pregnant.

“I messed up” she whispers, unsure how else to say. “I’m so sorry, I messed up.”

Wisps of hair fall onto her face, sticking to her wet cheeks, Bellamy brushes it softly away, she doesn’t deserve this, she never really did. There’s no getting out of this, and the worst part of it is she’s trapped Bellamy, she knows him too well to know he wouldn’t turn his back on his child, whether he wanted it or not.

“Talk to me, tell me what happened – please. I’m thinking the worst here.”

She has to look at him at some point, she has to own up to what she’s done. He’s watching her so softly, so concerned it breaks her heart all over again. “I messed up my pill, I don’t know when, or how but I did.”

There’s a crease between his brows as he takes in what she’s just said. She can’t bring herself to say the words, she needs him to put it together himself.

“Clarke what are you talking about?”

“I threw up again this morning, I thought it was the moonshine, but everything tasted funny and well, I know the signs, so I took a test.” She won’t cry, not anymore. She wills herself not to cry now. she’s never cried so much in her life, she’s putting it down to the hormones, though.

“You’re pregnant?”

There it is, out in the open. It's the first time it’s been said out loud, the words stab at her like a knife in a fist fight, mocking her mistakes. All she can do is nod, unable to read his expression.

“You’re really pregnant?”

“I’m really pregnant” she whispers, “I’m sorry, I –”

She doesn’t get to finish her apology, his lips cut her off and he cups her face, laughing into the kiss. She’d thought a lot about his reaction, in her mind, he’d be mad, maybe sadly accepting – of course he’d step up and be an amazing father, but there would always be that resounding bitterness that she’d taken away his choice in the matter.

She hadn’t thought about him being happy about it.

“We’re having a baby?” he laughs, pulling away and gazing at her in wonder. All she can do is nod and smile with cautious optimism.

“Are you – is that – ” she cuts off, not knowing how to ask if he’s really alright with it. “Are you happy about it?”

“Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it, we’re having a baby.” His hand covers her stomach, and there’s a flurry of emotion that takes over her, for the first time since this morning, she’s happy about it – no, she’s ecstatic. “Aren’t you?”

She laughs and shakes her head, “I don’t even know how I felt about, I was just scared you wouldn’t be, I didn’t want to trap you, and then I saw you with Echo earlier and you seemed to have so much more in common with than with me, I don’t know – I don’t want you to grow to resent me when you could have anybody else,”

“How could I ever resent you? I love you.”

It’s the first time the words have ever been said out loud, they’re so much more than she ever thought they would be. She’s imagined him saying that a hundred times over, but never once did she expect it would fill her with so much warmth and adoration for him.

“It’s you,” he murmurs, forehead resting against hers. She wants to cry again, but this time from happiness. “Don’t you see that? It’s always been you.”

“I love you too” she whispers through the lump in throat and waves of emotion over taking her.

It’s there, everything that needs to be said is out in the open, the conversation went so much better than she could ever have imagined. She’d underestimated Bellamy, she’s known from the start that she loves him, but she never thought he’d have the same kind of love for her.

“I guess we need to announce that we’re dating” Clarke finally grins after a long pause, Bellamy just smirks and says “I’ve got a better idea.”

*

The next two months, Bellamy treats her like she’s made of glass. The lease of her apartment is coming to an end and they’ve already made plans for her to move into his house. She spends most of her time there now anyway. He’s waiting for her when she gets home from work, whether it’s a day or night shift, there’s food there ready and a bath drawn. Any time she mentions a craving he’s out the door and finding it no matter what time of day or night.

He glares at anyone who dares get too close to her, the worst part is – their friends haven’t even noticed. They’ve stopped making digs about her boyfriend when it was clear nothing was coming from it.

How wrong they were.

At the 12 week scan, Bellamy clings to her hand and holds back his tears as best as he can. Clarkes been a nervous wreck all day, Bellamy’s just been elated. His attempt at holding back the tears is diminished completely when the sound of their baby’s heartbeat fills the room. It’s the sweetest sound she’s ever heard.

They come away unable to stop staring at the picture of their little Jellybean, as Bellamy’s fondly nicknamed them.

Outside the bar, they know they’re the last to arrive, they planned it that way on purpose. Bellamy links his fingers with hers and kisses her knuckles. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be” she smiles wryly. They walk in the bar hand in hand, there’s two empty chairs left for them. “Hey guys” she grins, squeezing Bellamy’s hand.

A murmured greeting ripples around the table, but nobody spares them a second glance. Bellamy pulls her chair out for her, helping her into it. God knows what he’s going to be like when she’s got an actual bump, right now she just looks bloated.

“Drink?” Bellamy asks pointedly.

“Just tonic water, thanks.”

“I think I’ll have the same, in solidarity.” No one bats an eyelid at that, she doesn’t think anyone’s even noticed them talking. They share an exasperated look as Bellamy goes to the bar. When he sits next to her, she leans her head on his shoulder and he winds an arm around her.

They don’t even get a questioning glance. All that time they spent sneaking around together and they could have just been carried on dating in plain sight, no one would have noticed. They try their best to drop unsubtle hints throughout their night, hell, she has an entire conversation with Monty leaning into Bellamy’s chest and him playing with her hair. She has to wonder if that’s what they were like before this.

She doesn’t think they were, at least.

After hours of this, Clarke’s getting fed up. She’s been holding in their secret long enough, now she’s got two.

“Kiss me” she finally whispers, just loud enough for him to hear.

“I thought you’d never ask” he grins, softly caressing his cheek and leaning to press his lips to hers. The kiss is hardly anything groundbreaking, it's chaste and sweet, it’s not like she climbed onto his lap and tried to eat his face. But the reaction from around the table would suggest otherwise. She regrets not doing this in the first place.

After a long, heavy silence, Raven finally asks, “What the hell was that?”

“It was a kiss” Bellamy says slowly, their friends just blink at them.

“Yeah but, why were you doing it together?” Jasper frowns, as if the notion is completely incomprehensible.

“Because we love each other?” Clarke didn’t expect that kind of reaction, in fact, she’d anticipated a much bigger reaction than this.

“Wait” Murphy snaps, “you what?”

“Love each other.” Bellamy patiently concedes, it just brings another round of confusion.

“Since when?”

Clarke looks up to grin at Bellamy, a shared humour on his face, too. “Since the games night at Bellamy’s house when Jasper threw up everywhere.”

It brings a furious blush from Jasper, but finally, the balls drop. There’s a flurry of excitement and confusion as everyone shouts questions at them.

“So that time at Bellamy’s house and you were wearing his shirt?” Murphy questions.

“Yep” Bellamy nods.

“Oh shit, the guy you said you were seeing?” Raven demands, Bellamy grins and squeezes her shoulder.

“That was me – the best sex she ever had.”

Clarke rolls her eyes but lets him have that one. “Plus when Jasper came to my apartment when he almost cut his finger off – Bellamy was hiding in the bedroom. Oh, and when Raven came around to rant about Shaw asking her out on a date, Bellamy and I were on a date then.”

“Are you serious? All that time you were dating and didn’t tell us” Raven demands, offended – whether it is because they didn’t tell everyone or because she hadn’t figured it out. “Any other times we should know about your secret little rendezvous?”

“Apart from the entire last 6 months?” Clarke questions with a quirk of her brow. “We did have sex in the toilets here once.”

There’s a general uproar from the table, this is the reaction Clarke wanted.

“Anything else you’ve been keeping from us?” Jasper pouts, never one for being left out of the loop.

Neither of them can keep the grin off their faces as Clarke takes the scan photo out of her bag and places it in the middle of the table. There’s a long, stunned silence that Jasper finally breaks.

“Holy shit is that a baby?”

Clarke laughs with Bellamy, no one else is laughing, she hopes it’s down to the surprise they just landed.

“It’s a baby” Clarke confirms, “ _ our _ baby.”

She’s nervous now, no ones said anything in minutes, still just staring at the scan photo.

“Say something, please – anybody” she laughs nervously.

“I can’t believe you kept it from us for this long” Raven blinks, “I can’t believe we didn’t even notice. It does explain Bellamy’s strange behaviour though.”

So, maybe Bellamy had been a little possessive since finding out she was pregnant, but she really couldn’t blame him, she’s possessive too. But even with that, no one suspected they were together – let alone having a baby.

“Are you happy for us?” she finally questions, now she’s worried that the surprise of them being together has overshadowed their pregnancy announcement. “You’re all going to be aunts and uncles.”

That brings up the enthusiasm, and they’re finally met with congratulations and hugs and promises of their baby being the most spoilt child in the world.

Clarke finally feels at peace, Bellamy wraps an arm around her shoulders and she leans into him. She’s got her family right here, and the man she loves staring adoringly at her.

She’s finally at home.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as part of t100fic4blm’s donation celebration! As of the series finale we had raised $2000! That is now at an amazing $4000 donated to some wonderful causes! We’re still taking prompts, and you can gift a fanwork to your friends! For more information, [Check out the carrd here!](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co)


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